Valentine’s Day is definitely a day that everyone feels strongly about. You love it or you hate it; you think it’s sweet and romantic, or it makes you want to throw up. Usually (though not always) those who love it have a date, and those who hate it have no one of romantic interest with which to share the occasion.

I understand that not everyone on the face of the earth desires to date or even find a marriage partner. But nowadays, the idea of dating and finding Mr. or Miss Right seems to linger in the back of everyone’s mind from time to time. How could it not? With so many dating services, wedding vendor services, and honeymoon trips advertised, how could we not at least think about it?

There is nothing wrong with wanting to find a godly partner to spend your life with. In fact, two devout Christians can do wonders for God’s Kingdom when they unite and come together as one united spiritual force. But we must not allow our desire to find that certain someone become an obsession. Whenever we focus on something or someone more than we do on God, we open the door to all kinds of chaos.

Probably one of the biggest mistakes in dating is not waiting. I believe that we should trust God’s guidance and His timing in all things—including dating!

I have heard different young adults, mostly women but also some men, say that they want to marry before they get too old or that they feel lonely and want a mate. Sadly, instead of waiting on a divine connection from God, they take the task of dating into their own hands. This lack of patience leads some of them to make decisions and commitments that they later regret.

But can I not date anyone except the person I am going to marry? And how will I know who that person is if I do not date? These are good questions and I have asked them myself many times. In fact, my own husband, Blake, had a wonderful answer to them when we began dating. “Think of every date as a potential marriage. If you see any problems up front of why you shouldn’t date a certain person, then just don’t do it.”

Blake actually answered many of my dating questions simply by answering a personal question I asked him. I had dated many guys, so why had he (being good-looking, smart, athletic and as old as me) not dated many girls? I came to find out, and admire, that he emphasized quality over quantity even though many others did not share his views of dating. Then I also felt a little nervous that he would soon find disappointment in dating me!

I, on the other hand, dated many guys. Even before accepting some dates, I knew the guys had bad reputations or that I had no romantic feelings for them whatsoever. Still, I accepted the dates and then complained to my mother and my friends about perverts and pests, who all wanted more from me than I was willing to share either physically or emotionally. What I needed was a spiritual connection.

The fall of my freshman year in college, I told God that I would not date anyone unless I felt as if He approved of my dating them. I also made a list of what I expected out of a godly, devoted husband and prayed over my list each night.

I dated only two guys after making that commitment to God. Both were real gentlemen and respected me. I only felt friendship toward the first guy, and the second guy I married four years later. After I stopped dating the first guy, I told God that if He desired for me to have a companion then He would have to send the right guy to me. I continued praying, but altogether quit trying to make anything happen on my own efforts. I randomly met Blake about a week later.

When we let God take control, all we have to do is obediently and faithfully wait for His plan to manifest in our lives. Yes, we still need to pray and believe, but that is part of obedience and faith. We don’t have to try to make things work out by our own human efforts.

Sometimes it may take longer than we would like, but God will always come through for those who obey Him. I did not date anyone for several months after I first committed to waiting on God. And when my first attempt failed, I prepared myself to wait much longer and not even consider dating until God brought someone into my life.

God always has our best interest in mind. He knows the right time, place and setting for everything. When we humbly submit to His plan for our lives, then we give Him complete authority to work it all out. Just give all your worries over to Him; He already knows your future (1 Pet. 5:6–7).

It is also important that once we commit to giving God complete control of our plans we stay with Him for the long haul. Not everyone will share your opinions on waiting to date a God-sent partner. Blake’s friends couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t date certain girls for picky reasons when they were pretty and popular. My friends thought surely I was depressed or had some deep personal tragedy going on in my life when I didn’t go on a date for about four months. What’s important is that you listen to the Holy Spirit and do what God thinks is best for you, not anyone else.

So don’t despise Valentine’s Day or feel obligated to choose a random date in order to “fit in.” Go with your sprit instead of the crowd. Follow God’s lead for your love life, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day. Only God can deliver a spiritual connection, which is far better than simply a physical or emotional connection.